I'm singing at church this weekend (Sarah) and I was talking to a friend on the Worship team who was congratulating Ben and I on our upcoming wedding. He and his wife started a local ministry that I helped with during Northview's "Good Neighbor weekend" last year (Prison Greyhounds). Check it out if you're curious...really awesome ministry, especially for people like Ben and I who are dog lovers. I digress. My friend mentioned that it is obvious to him that Ben and my relationship is definitely "a God thing". It blesses me when people make those comments because that's exactly how we feel. When we get asked how long we have been dating, sometimes we get responses of raised eyebrows and courteous smiles. Other times we get those knowing looks from people who have been here and done this to know that "when you know, you know". There are always going to be those few individuals who hear that we're engaged and getting married within six months of knowing each other, and don't know our stories, who will be quick to judge this relationship book by it's cover (inaccurately I might add). I think my husband-to-be phrased it well when he told the first eyebrow raiser that the work began a long time before we actually met face to face.
While I don't think it's important to elaborate here on both Ben and my relationship backgrounds, I will share that we both went through emotional first marriages that came to an end in 2008. For those who have been through a divorce, you know that there are a lot of emotions when you come out of the end of a marriage. Many of those emotions resemble the stages of grief, and it can take someone years before their heart has healed. Ben and I are no exception; it took us both several years to be ready to even think about getting married again. Sure, we went on a handful of dates over the past four years, but up until recently neither of us were ready to walk down the aisle and commit to a relationship that could potentially lead to the same ugly ending we'd just experienced a few years ago.
Marriage is no small decision. Neither of us are going in to this unaware of how much work marriage is, and naive to the reality that there are a lot of things in this world that can try to prevent us from having a "best relationship this side of heaven" kind of marriage. (Northview Church's lead pastor, Steve Poe, always describes marriage like that; I love that marriage is intended to be just that- the best relationship we get to experience here on Earth, and it's been something that I've prayed for over the past few years.) Ben and I believe that our decision to get married has been affirmed by God, and so we thought it'd be a good insight for you, and a good visual reminder to us, that there have been several incidences that have happened in the last five months that have led us here.
In the summer of 2010, I did a Bible study with my life group girls called "The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating" by Andy Stanley and I came away from that study convicted that I needed to focus on becoming the person I wanted to be with, and not worry about finding "Mr. Right". (By the way, I'd highly recommend the series if you haven't seen it.) Then early last summer, on my personal blog, I shared that I felt like God was telling me to take a break from dating. I never really had much tolerance for it the entire post-marriage years anyway, but I'd decided that maybe God was right... Maybe I just needed to walk away from the dating world and quit worrying about finding the right person. I had tried Match and eHarmony, and I was spending a lot of money getting nowhere fast. So for the next nine months I didn't go on a single date. There were definitely moments of frustration and tears during this time, but after a LOT, and I'm not kidding here, a LOT of working on myself those two years (and those nine months off from dating were no exception), I finally heard God say it was time to get back in the dating game this past March. I would be lying if I told you I was excited about it; I felt like God was kicking me out of the nest so-to-speak, and it took me a while to trust that if this really was Him leading me then I'd see soon enough why it was time to start dating again. So I joined Christian Mingle and that's where I met Ben...
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| Our first picture together |
(Ben) I have a similar story to tell. After my first marriage I felt lost, like being dropped off a bus in the middle of the country with no clue where I was. I too had tried the online dating, ending only in frustration because I was realizing that I was not sure of who I was looking for. And also felt like I was not the person these girls were looking for either. (I knew I was the common denominator for my failed relationships.) So began the work to prepare myself to be who "she" was looking for... One of the most pivotal moments was when a friend introduced me to Zarvos Coaching. There I realized that the responsibility for "my story" laid on ME. God was giving me the tools, I was not picking them up. Another class that helped me along the way was Financial Peace. I didn't take this course because I was broke, it was how to manage and use money that I needed direction with. And knowing that money is what stems most arguments in marriage, I knew this could save a disaster from happening someday. There is truth in the course's name too; when your money has freedom, you have peace. So one of the first things Dave says is to sell the car, and I did that! My loved BMW! But this was all in God's planning because that same week I was given a promotion with work that meant moving out of town.
I moved to Princeton, IN for a year to take on a manager position at the Menards in Apr '11. This meant having two residences. I could not afford those with a car payment. Oh , by the way, the car sold within two weeks. (Go God!) So not wanting to waste money on rent I decided to buy. I was directed to a little house that was easily affordable and moved in within a week! (Go God) The time I spent over that year away from my LIFE group proved to be a valuable lesson. I realized how much my community was keeping me spiritually focused. This consistently kept me returning to God for strength. I made the choice to not date anyone during this time and really focus on becoming a man of God. I put my faith in knowing that God could provide a woman that He designed for me, and even better than I could ask for. So off I was, the market that is!
Nearing the end of the 12 months I planned to stay in Princeton, I was offered another promotion with the company. However, after the growth I had made over the last year, I knew it was not lining up with what I wanted for my future family. I declined the job and made my plan to return to Indy. I made a phone call to my old store and lo and behold, a position opened that same morning just hours before. (GO GOD!) Within two weeks of that call I returned home to Brownsburg. (Another God thing, my home was being rented by a friend the year I was away, so I was able to move back in like I had never left the place.) When I moved back into my home I decided to make an offering to God that I trusted He would provide my "other half", so I left half of my closet empty, and half of my dresser empty. I was showing God I was ready to make room in my life for this woman.
Soon after I returned, a friend in my LIFE group was pushing me to try online dating again. I was not thrilled with the idea and I blew it off for a couple weeks. But he persisted and I felt maybe God is speaking through him. So I tried a site I had never used before... I filled out the profile and was ready to search... On page 2 of the search was a beautiful "brown eyed" teacher! I thought to myself, "I must know this girl!" I read her profile and knew she was a match. The only trouble was I could not contact her for a two day waiting period while my profile was being approved. In that time I looked at other profiles, but it was the same thing I had seen before. This "brown eyed" girl was different. When the day finally came that I could write her, I did! And from day one we hit it off!
There are many more details that filled this past year as one on the most pivotal years of my life, but for now I will just say, "Wow God! Thank you for being in my life, you do wonders when I submit to you!" Go God!
(Sarah)
Really quickly after Ben and I met we knew that we'd met the person we wanted to spend our lives with. On one of our dates, I asked Ben what the qualities are in the woman he was wanting to marry. After talking about each other's wants and needs for a while, Ben mentioned that the girls in his life group had asked him to make a list of the qualities that he had to have, and then they told him to lock up the list, and pray that God would provide the right woman who fulfilled his needs. On our date, Ben said he hadn't looked at the list since locking it up, but later that day I got a text with this picture. And all the text said was, "you're everything on the list and more". ;) (And we all say "awwww").
I moved to Princeton, IN for a year to take on a manager position at the Menards in Apr '11. This meant having two residences. I could not afford those with a car payment. Oh , by the way, the car sold within two weeks. (Go God!) So not wanting to waste money on rent I decided to buy. I was directed to a little house that was easily affordable and moved in within a week! (Go God) The time I spent over that year away from my LIFE group proved to be a valuable lesson. I realized how much my community was keeping me spiritually focused. This consistently kept me returning to God for strength. I made the choice to not date anyone during this time and really focus on becoming a man of God. I put my faith in knowing that God could provide a woman that He designed for me, and even better than I could ask for. So off I was, the market that is!
Nearing the end of the 12 months I planned to stay in Princeton, I was offered another promotion with the company. However, after the growth I had made over the last year, I knew it was not lining up with what I wanted for my future family. I declined the job and made my plan to return to Indy. I made a phone call to my old store and lo and behold, a position opened that same morning just hours before. (GO GOD!) Within two weeks of that call I returned home to Brownsburg. (Another God thing, my home was being rented by a friend the year I was away, so I was able to move back in like I had never left the place.) When I moved back into my home I decided to make an offering to God that I trusted He would provide my "other half", so I left half of my closet empty, and half of my dresser empty. I was showing God I was ready to make room in my life for this woman.
Soon after I returned, a friend in my LIFE group was pushing me to try online dating again. I was not thrilled with the idea and I blew it off for a couple weeks. But he persisted and I felt maybe God is speaking through him. So I tried a site I had never used before... I filled out the profile and was ready to search... On page 2 of the search was a beautiful "brown eyed" teacher! I thought to myself, "I must know this girl!" I read her profile and knew she was a match. The only trouble was I could not contact her for a two day waiting period while my profile was being approved. In that time I looked at other profiles, but it was the same thing I had seen before. This "brown eyed" girl was different. When the day finally came that I could write her, I did! And from day one we hit it off!
There are many more details that filled this past year as one on the most pivotal years of my life, but for now I will just say, "Wow God! Thank you for being in my life, you do wonders when I submit to you!" Go God!
(Sarah)
Really quickly after Ben and I met we knew that we'd met the person we wanted to spend our lives with. On one of our dates, I asked Ben what the qualities are in the woman he was wanting to marry. After talking about each other's wants and needs for a while, Ben mentioned that the girls in his life group had asked him to make a list of the qualities that he had to have, and then they told him to lock up the list, and pray that God would provide the right woman who fulfilled his needs. On our date, Ben said he hadn't looked at the list since locking it up, but later that day I got a text with this picture. And all the text said was, "you're everything on the list and more". ;) (And we all say "awwww").
Last, but not least, the year that Ben moved down to Princeton for work he decided to purchase a home instead of losing income on rent. He made a goal to sell it by October of this year, but he was having a few struggles getting it sold because the price of the home was less than most banks will give for a mortgage. Ben and I kept praying that the sale would happen, but we weren't gaining any ground on getting it sold. (We knew that we didn't want to go into debt to buy my engagement ring, and the profit Ben would make on that house would be enough to cover that expense.) One night, after a frustrating week of showing it and not getting any "nibbles", Ben sent his siblings a group message on Facebook explaining that this was the only thing holding him back from being able to propose, and he asked them to pray with us that it would sell quickly. It's no coincidence that the very next day Ben had an accepted offer on the house.
Our God is an awesome God. He answers big and small prayers. He saw the pain and heartbreak we both went through and He knows how much we've grown as individuals since that time. We feel blessed to know that us finding each other when we did wasn't an accident. God has redeemed our ugly pasts, and with so many things lining up perfectly for us the last five months, we are convinced that this really is "a God thing". :)
